i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
