I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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