dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
