Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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