She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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