Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
