The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Drunk is a universal language darling
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
