I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
