Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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