so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have fence marks all over my body
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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