I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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