Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
