I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
