worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I touched a dick in church today
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
