Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
