Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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