i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
