My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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