I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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