I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
