you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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