You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
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My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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