girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
