Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
