Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's get the cat blown out
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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