I think im going to throw up on grandma
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
