It's Friday. Sex?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
