You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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