I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
