dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
