he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
