Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
