i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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