dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
