ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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