wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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