"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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