she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
