I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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