Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Randomize
