im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
