Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
