I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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