i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
