I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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