you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
