My sheets look like a crime scene.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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