But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
