also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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