My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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