we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
