I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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