i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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