I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
