Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
