I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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