so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
