Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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