'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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