He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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