She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have feelings that need drinking.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
third nipple confirmed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
