I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you would pick up someone in the library
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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