My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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