I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
