As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
