...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
